Watch the Goldfish

Hutch was practicing pool shots. Starsky stepped up behind him, silent on the soft soles of his Adidas running shoes, and tapped his butt. “Playing with yourself huh?” Hutch missed the shot and turned to make a mock threat with the cue. Starsky dodged neatly, holding his hands up in surrender. Huggy and Harvey watched and smiled indulgently as the two cops behaved like a couple of kids. “Hard to believe they terrorize the local underworld.” Harvey said shaking his head. “Terrorize?” Huggy snorted, “you sure about that? Look at them.”

The jukebox was playing Samba Pa Ti and Starsky and Hutch were practicing their tango steps again. Someone outside the door at the top of the stairs screamed and Starsky dropped Hutch from a perfect dip. Hutch swore as he hit the ground, recovered and ran up to see what was happening out there; Moments later Harvey noticed the expression on his cousin's face. Starsky was standing perfectly still; his hands were out to his sides, palms up and he was staring at the stairs; the rest of the customers were moving as far away from the bar and the tables in the center of the room as they could. Harvey stepped forward but Starsky signaled ‘no' with his eyes.

The man was standing in the open doorway; the light from outside made it hard to see him clearly, but no-one needed much light to see the gun he was holding to his hostage's head. The hostage was Hutch.

Huggy and Harvey watched Starsky watching Hutch. The other clients were silent, holding their fear in with their breath. Starsky held his hands away from his sides and stepped forward. “Let him go.”

Time seemed to stand still in the bar. Harvey was still keeping a close eye on every move his cousin was likely to make; ready for a cue to help him.

“I said let him go.” No-one moved. The only sound was of the last plaintive notes of Carlos Santana's guitar solo. Starsky continued his one-cop game of grandmother's footsteps and took another step towards the bottom of the stairs. The man in the doorway tightened his grip on his hostage's arm and Hutch groaned.

“Come any closer cop, and your partner gets it.”

Starsky stiffened slightly and Harvey readied himself.

Starsky kept his hands in view and stepped to one side; he had a clear line of vision, Hutch didn't know how he would use it though and his eyes were widening as he felt the sharp tip of a knife against the small of his back

“Let him go and we can talk.” Starsky said.

“He's got a knife, Starsk.”

“My friends call me Mack,” the man smiled nastily “as in Mack the Knife.”

No-one spoke. Every one in the bar was waiting for the next move. Starsky tilted his head to one side “sounds like you've got both hands full Mack; why not let him go and we can talk?”

“Fuck you!”

Starsky calculated the chances that Mack would be able to use his knife as efficiently in his left hand as his right and went for the average. Starsky was pretty good with both hands but he was a leftie who had grown up in a right-handed world. Mack was probably just average.

Starsky nodded to his cousin. Harvey knocked all the glasses that were within reach on the bar onto the floor to produce a loud crash and in the space of the time it took for all eyes to be on the source of the sound Starsky had drawn his gun and was aiming at the figure at the top of the stairs. “You can take a chance at shooting me; and that could put you on death row. Of course you might not get the chance to shoot me because I'm already aiming at your right knee and the safety is off my gun. I guess this is the moment to tell you I'm a great shot.” He turned to his cousin, “tell the man about the goldfish Harvey .”

At least ten people, including Hutch, asked themselves the same question: the goldfish ? Harvey stepped forward and looked up at the man in the doorway. “My cousin here is an excellent shot, one of BCPD's best, in fact he got medals for it in the Army. But Huggy and I know that the Army didn't teach him anything. We must have been what, fifteen?” He looked at Huggy, who nodded his agreement. “We went to the fairground down by the pier and they had one of those sideshows where you got to win a goldfish if you shot the targets with an air rifle? We were fooling around and Dave said that the targets were too easy so I said.” he paused and turned to Huggy again, playing it out for all it was worth. “Or was it you?” “No, man, it was you.” Huggy said quietly, he was watching the guy on the stairs, Harvey had his full attention; the old double act was playing. Harvey continued “so I said to him that maybe he should aim for the goldfish. You know what; those goldfish were in little plastic sacks and Dave he just aimed the rifle and fired and…;” Harvey clapped his hands as he said “splat!” The man on the stairs was staring at him. “The water went everywhere and the guy was furious; the goldfish was dead; one shot, in the middle.”

There was a moment of tension before the people in the bar began to laugh. The man on the stairs yelled “hey where's he gone?” just before he felt the cold metal of Starsky's gun on his temple.

Starsky shoved him down the stairs and cuffed him to a chair. Huggy and Harvey took care of the customers, serving free drinks and snacks and reassuring them that the cops would only ask about what they had seen and not about any of their activities.

“How did they do that?” one of the clients asked. Huggy grinned. “It's a long story.”

Starsky sat opposite his captive who was still trying to work out how it was he didn't see it coming. “You got a name or do we call you Jackass?”

He mumbled something and Hutch pulled his head back by the hair. “Didn't hear you, Jackass.”

“Mack.”

“And I'm Polly Peachum,” Starsky's voice was dangerously low-pitched, “why don't we try again?”

“Ok. Gerry MacKenzie.”

Starsky picked up the cuffs and grabbed Gerry's wrist; he clicked one of the cuffs in place and beckoned for the other hand. As he stood up he said “you are under arrest.”